Letters From Min

Dear Me, Do you really think you want a kid? Is now the time?

2012-01-10T15:38:00.000-06:00

I read this post by Glennon at Momastery today, and this particular part made my head bob up and down:

Every time I’m out with my kids – this seems to happen:

An older woman stops us, puts her hand over her heart and says something like, “Oh- Enjoy every moment. This time goes by so fast.”

Everywhere I go, someone is telling me to seize the moment, raise my awareness, be happy, enjoy every second, etc, etc, etc.

I know that this message is right and good. But as 2011 closes, I have finally allowed myself to admit that it just doesn’t work for me. It bugs me. This CARPE DIEM message makes me paranoid and panicky. Especially during this phase of my life – while I’m raising young kids. Being told, in a million different ways to CARPE DIEM makes me worry that if I’m not in a constant state of intense gratitude and ecstasy, I’m doing something wrong.

I think parenting young children (and old ones, I’ve heard) is a little like climbing Mount Everest. Brave, adventurous souls try it because they’ve heard there’s magic in the climb. They try because they believe that finishing, or even attempting the climb are impressive accomplishments. They try because during the climb, if they allow themselves to pause and lift their eyes and minds from the pain and drudgery, the views are breathtaking. They try because even though it hurts and it’s hard, there are moments that make it worth the hard. These moments are so intense and unique that many people who reach the top start planning, almost immediately, to climb again. Even though any climber will tell you that most of the climb is treacherous, exhausting, killer. That they literally cried most of the way up.

And so I think that if there were people stationed, say, every thirty feet along Mount Everest yelling to the climbers – “ARE YOU ENJOYING YOURSELF!? IF NOT, YOU SHOULD BE! ONE DAY YOU’LL BE SORRY YOU DIDN’T!” TRUST US!! IT’LL BE OVER TOO SOON! CARPE DIEM!” - those well-meaning, nostalgic cheerleaders might be physically thrown from the mountain.

The paragraph about why she believes people try parenting made me think about why I decided to throw my hat in the ring in this parenting match. I had an email dialogue with a friend about this in January 2009 when we were on the cusp of making a decision to try to have a baby. I have to preserve the conversation here because this is where I'm storing memories for now. Reading it in retrospect made my eyes well up with tears because I can honestly say, "Yep. I am so glad we did this." Even though the first year was the biggest roller coaster of my life. Let's hope I'm still saying that when Bo is a teenager...

Me to Friend:

I just got through calculating my fertility window online. This might be the month we go for it. I’m a little concerned that I feel so blasé about it. I can’t decide if it’s because 1) I don’t think it will actually happen 2) I don’t want to get emotionally invested in whether it will happen or not; or 3) I’m still not ready. Is it irresponsible to have unprotected sex without dissecting this first? Because I’m really just so sick and stinking tired of trying to figure this out. On the one hand, part of me says, “You’ve waited this long. What’s a few more months until you work out your feelings?” The other part of me says, “You’re stalling again, missy. Get on with it already.”

Sigh…

Friend to Me:

You crack me up with this fertility window stuff. I love it! I was talking to ______ about you guys having a baby the other day. I was asking him, do they really think they want one? do they just think this is the time to do it so they better get it done? how do they know they are ready? You know, all those questions I would ask you if we were together because you would actually answer me rather than grunt something at me during the commercials of the game. I don't know how to help you with this one, except to say that I don't think anyone who has any common sense ever feels truly "ready" for something like motherhood. You are going to overthink this into the ground. If you think you want one, get off birth control and give it a try. Why not? (of course I would never follow this advice).

Me to Friend:

I’m treating this like a quiz:

do they really think they want one?

This has been answered “yes”. The part of the question I’m struggling with now is “why”?

So far the only thing I can come up that doesn’t sound totally lame (to me) is that I want to share my life with a child. I kind of liken it to “why do you stay married?” (because let’s face it, I didn’t dissect the “why are you getting married” question at 22 like I would at 31). I stay married because I love The One, because I can never be the kind of person he is, and seeing the world through his eyes is as close as I’ll come to that, but ultimately, because I want to share my life with someone—to share life experiences, to make big decisions with him, to bounce ideas off of him, all of it. And while I could walk through life alone and likely have a heck of a time, I like sharing my life with a partner and think my life is better for it.

I think I can have a full life without kids (and even may by all means), but I also think I’d like to share my life with children. My large family has been something I have always adored; it has its rough spots no doubt, but I love sharing life with my parents and my siblings. I think my life is fuller for it. And while there is no guarantee that I won’t lose a child to a horrible disease, murder, or accident and end up childless anyway, while there is no guarantee I won’t have children that I can’t stand or that can’t stand me, no guarantee that I’ll have children who will get along, etc., I think I’m at a place that it’s a gamble I’m willing to take. I would never have gotten married had I been guaranteed that my marriage would end badly in divorce, but I did get married knowing that my marriage ending badly in divorce was a real possibility and the chance that it would work was worth the risk that it wouldn’t. That’s kind of how I feel about kids right now—I know there is the possibility that they will suck and that parenting will suck, but I think for me the risk that it will work is worth the risk that it won’t. I love so many things about children—I think mostly because they represent everything I am not---spontaneous, nondiscerning, free spirited little creatures. I love their absolute joy about ALL things (and how every sentence somehow ends in an exclamation point!). And when they turn into who I turned into and do stupid stuff and say awful things and get confused and make horrible decisions, I’d like to love them and reassure them, help them find out how they can be the very best they can be, encourage them to be productive citizens. It’s all corny I know, but it is something I think I’d like to be a part of. (I fully realize they could be black fingernail painting cat killers who end up in bad places, but I guess I’m saying I’m willing to risk that that’s what they’ll be.)

I know there will be days I wonder why I did it, that I’ll miss pre-kid life, that I’ll be tired and grumpy, that they’ll smell and curse me and really test the concept of unconditional love. But again, I just keep going back to marriage. There have been days I’ve wondered why I got married, that I miss my single days, that I’m tired and grumpy, that we both smell and curse each other, days I wonder if I can live up to my promise of unconditional love, but in the end, I’m still glad he’s mine and I’m his. In the end, I know I’d rather spend my life with him than without him.

do they just think this is the time to do it so they better get it done?

Kind of. It feels inevitable that we’ll jump, and we’re running out of excuses of why we shouldn’t jump now. I don’t feel that feeling that some people say they feel like “something’s just missing from my life”. I love our life. I really love our life. At the same time, I wonder if it’s one of those things that can be an additional thing I’ll love about my life, but I just don’t know it yet because I haven’t experienced it yet. Kind of like travelling. I never knew how much it could add to my life because I never travelled before college. Then I did, and I was hooked! It’s not like my life was empty before, but now travelling is just another dimension of a satisfying life. Maybe it’s a pipe dream, but I hope expanding our family will be like that—just another dimension to an already satisfying life.

how do they know they are ready?

We don’t----which is why I’m going through this diatribe with you and myself all the time. I don’t think we’ll ever be ready. I do know that we’re financially stable now, we’re healthy, we’re at a pretty good place in our marriage, and that we’d like to be through with kids by 36.

Sigh…

Dear 2011, Farewell...

2011-12-31T09:01:00.002-06:00

You really dazzled me...

{Cotton Bowl}

{My favorite March Madness ever}

{Wedding weekend with the Browns}

{Easter at the farm}

{Canadian River Music Festival}

{Memorial Day at the ranch}

{Lots of sandbox, swing and pool time}

{Concerts in the Park}

{Plenty of trips to the park and the Discovery Center}

{Trips to the Fort Worth Zoo and OKC Zoo}

{Father's Day}

{July 4th with the Coles}

{Idalou Centennial}

{Galveston}

{Labor Day at the ranch}

{First Day of School}

{Living Proof Live with Mom}

{Weekend in South Padre}

{A&M v. Arkansas Game}

{Taylor Swift Concert}

{Fun at the Pumpkin Patch}

{Halloween}

{Bo turning 2}

{Christmas}

May 2012 show off as boldly as you did!

Dear Bo, A Bozeman Christmas...

2011-12-30T08:30:00.000-06:00

When I was growing up, we did the gift exchange between immediate family members on Christmas Eve then Santa came on Christmas morning. We still do Christmas Eve together, but now instead of 6 of us, there are 21! We have Mexican food, and this year, all my Bozeman aunts and uncles were able to join us, too. Lots of fun (and pretty loud).

{The most well behaved one there-Bronte's first Christmas}

{An attempt at a grandkid picture without adults}

{A little better with Pop}

{But definitely better with Mimi and Pop}

{My little brother's fam}

{My big brother's fam}

{Another great pic of us in front of the tree. Ha!}

{My big sis's fam}

{Opening gifts with Daddy}

{Playing with your new tractor}

Sunday morning we went to church together then had a lazy day. You spent most of the day in the garage play area watching Nemo. You cannot get enough of that show right now! I can't believe I missed getting a picture of it, but we had a white Christmas! You have been here 3 Christmases, and two of them have been white; that's rare, son.

{Watching Nemo with Pop}

{Watching Nemo with Brody}

Dear Bo, Santa 2011...

2011-12-29T08:22:00.000-06:00

I don't think you really "got Santa" this year, but you surely enjoyed your gifts...

And I can't pass up an opportunity to snap shots of a handsome little guy in Christmas plaid!

Dear Bo, You're 25 months old...

2011-12-27T10:27:00.001-06:00

Now that the changes aren't so dramatic month to month, these will be quite abbreviated:

Stats: You wear a size 4 diaper, a size 6 or 7 shoe, 24 months pants and 2T tops.

Eating: You are in a huge eating phase right now. You eat everything we give you then some! You tried popcorn this month and love it; you've been having it while we watch Christmas movies in the evening. You also were into powdered donuts this month! Man, oh man, do you enjoy those. Another favorite is seasoned oyster crackers. Other than that, it's really been whatever we put in front of you. With the holidays, there's been more junk than usual. Maybe that's why you are a bottomless pit right now.

Sleeping: I'm not sure what is going on with you, but I miss my 8-7:30am sleeper! You still go down easily, but this is the third week you have been waking up super early and waking crying (you usually wake up and play in bed happily until I come get you)! The first week, it was consistently at 5:30am. Whoa. I don't mind anything after 6am, but anything in the 5's is off limits. Then last week you switched to 6:30ish. You've even woken crying in the middle of the night (but go back down easily) recently. Fortunately, on those mornings you sleep later. I think it might be your teeth, but I feel like that's the excuse I use for everything.

Talking: One new word you used this month is Nemo. You started saying it the very first morning you watched the show. You also put two words together, "bye Nemo". You were more verbal this month and made more attempts at trying to say words we encouraged you to say.

Favorite Things: Nemo! Oh, my word. You can't get enough of it. You would watch it over and over if I'd let you. You're really into cars and trucks, making cars and trucks sounds, and you still love books and puzzles.

You are still such a happy little thing. You are all boy; that's for sure. You are affectionate and love to give hugs (which you do by laying on someone's shoulders), give kisses (with a loud mwaa! afterwards), and sit in our laps.

We love you little buddy!

Dear Bo, A 3 Z Christmas...

2011-12-26T20:49:00.000-06:00

Daddy had Friday off so I took it off, too, and we had a nice day with just the 3 of us!

We had a yummy breakfast, went to the Discovery Center, then you took a good nap before we opened presents.

This is the best I could do with pictures in front of the tree this year; you were not cooperating!

You seemed to get the idea with opening presents though!

{Magnet board with letter, number, and animal magnets from Momma and Dada}

{Laptop from the Browns}

{Nemo from the Browns (!)}

{Car speedway from Momma and Dada}

{Helping Dada put it together}

{Trying it out}

{Opening clothes from GranDa and GranNana}

After presents, we enjoyed dinner (we've decided steaks and the fixin's will be our little family tradition), then looked at lights before putting you to bed. Great little Christmas for our family of 3!

Dear Bo, Your Christmas party was a success...

2011-12-22T19:53:00.000-06:00

Christmas shirt + iced cookies + fussy from being woken early from a nap = first Christmas party

Dear Bo, You met number 14...

2011-12-19T22:22:00.000-06:00

Your newest cousin, Bronte, is here! That makes seven girl cousins and seven boy cousins for you...you'll have no shortage of play mates, that's for sure!

{Blaze singing his new brother "Twinkle, twinkle, little star..."}

{Trouble}

Welcome to the world, Bronte! We love you!

Dear Bo, Your first Christmas program...

2011-12-16T21:59:00.000-06:00

Your first Christmas program was last night, and you rocked it! Sure, the only thing you had to do was look cute for about 60 seconds in the buggy with your Santa hat on while your teacher strolled you to Christmas music, but you played your part well...

{Before the program}

{Still smiling with your Santa hat}

Dear Reader, Favorite things party...

2011-12-15T21:37:00.000-06:00

I keep seeing Favorite Things parties on Pinterest and the blog world; I decided I'd throw one. I'm so glad I did! The idea is that you invite a group of friends who each bring their very favorite thing for all attendees (we kept our number to five and made the max price limit per gift $10). You each bring your favorite snack, too. Then you go around, passing out your favorite thing and describing why it's your favorite.

First, I had to take pics of my "new" Christmas decorations this year:

{Christmas books from my childhood}

{Milk and cookies plate}

{Christmas card display}

{Felt nativity from Pottery Barn}

I had a hot cocoa bar, and my favorite snacks were seasoned oyster crackers (recipe by my Mammaw) and almond bark popcorn (my sis introduced me to this; also in the pic are my new 12 Days of Christmas Ornaments from Land of Nod):

Fun was had by all! The favorite things we ended up with were: colored fine point sharpies, Ben and Jerry's peach cobbler ice cream, Penguin cloth bound classics, an olive oil dispenser and pan scrubber, and hand cream. Lots of neat goodies!

Dear Bo, Daddy went hunting again...

2011-12-12T21:29:00.002-06:00

...so it was another Mommy and Me weekend. We played a lot, ate popcorn and watched Christmas movies, and I got a lot of Christmas put out. The only pictures I got were you in your Sunday best (I had to put you in a sweater vest when Daddy was out of town!)...

Dear Bo, Cousins are the best...

2011-12-09T15:59:00.030-06:00

As I was headed to work last Monday, Aunt Lori texted me that your cousin Brody was packing his bag because he wanted to come to town with his daddy (who was coming here for work) and see Bo. I thought, "why not?". Y'all could play together during the day with the nanny, and we could play at night!

You had so much fun. SO. MUCH. FUN. (And according to reports from Aunt Lori, Bro-Bro had "super lots of fun".) We kept busy...

When he got here late Monday afternoon, we headed to the playground. You chased him everywhere, laughing all the way. Then it was burgers and fries at Blue Sky.

Tuesday, the nanny took you to the Discovery Center. She said you had a ball. That night his daddy came for supper, and they played basketball inside, while you ran around them in circles giggling.

Wednesday, y'all went to Jump n Jive, and the nanny reports you both had a great time. So much fun that when I asked Brody what he wanted to do that afternoon...go to the movie or Chuck E. Cheese's, he said he wanted to go back to Jump n Jive. So we grabbed Chick f La, and back to Jump n Jive we went! Some of the bounce houses were a little big for you, but Brody was so sweet to you and helped you up everywhere and just encouraged you along. "Come on, Bo! You can do it! Just two steps left!" I can tell he has big sisters for sure!

Each night Brody was here, we gave you both baths, put you to bed, then popped popcorn and watched a movie with Brody. On his last night, he wanted you to stay up and watch it, too. So we put you in your coordinating jammies, y'all sat on the couch with your popcorn, and we all enjoyed some Toy Story 3. All was well and good until your popcorn was empty, and you started stealing Brody's! It was actually good then, too, as he was so sweet to share with you.

Brody went home on Thursday, and I was so sad for you. You checked the house for him and kind of sulked. You had so much fun with him! You mostly chased him and laughed at every single thing he did.

Bro-Bro, we are so glad you came to visit us! Thank you for being so patient and kind to your little cousin! We love you!

Dear Memory Bank, What kids will inspire you to do...

2011-12-08T15:52:00.007-06:00

Ten Christmases I've been married to The One, and this Eleventh Christmas is the first time I've been able to enjoy these...

Amazing what a 2 year who loves lights will inspire a guy to do...

Dear Bo, Your 2 year old pics (Part II of II)...

2011-12-07T15:48:00.000-06:00

And wardrobe change...

Dear Bo, Your 2 year old pics (Part I of II)...

2011-12-06T15:39:00.001-06:00

The lovely talented, Liz Zorek, took your 2 year pictures the weekend before your birthday. You were cuh-razy! I was certain we would be lucky to get even one decent shot. Imagine my delight when I saw all of the great pictures she captured...

More pics here.

Dear Bo, You're 24 months old...

2011-12-05T15:12:00.000-06:00

2 years old!

Here's what you're up to:

You wear 24 months bottoms, 2T tops, a size 7 shoe, and a size 4 diaper.
You are 35 inches long (50-75%), 30 pounds 6 ounces (75%), and your head circumference is 19.25 (50%).
You are a solid little thing.
You're getting a mouthful of teeth, but you haven't even started getting your 2 year molars. Great.
You have your on and off days eating. Generally, you like nutrigrain bars or yogurt for breakfast with some fruit, you generally eat leftovers or chicken nuggets or a PBJ sandwich for lunch with veggie sticks and fruit, and you have what we're having for dinner. You love fruit snacks, goldfish and cheerios. You drink about 24 ounces of milk a day and very watered down juice in between meals.
You generally get up between 7-7:30am, watch cartoons then have breakfast and play, have lunch and go down for a 2.5-3 hour nap at noon, have supper with us around 6pm, start bathtime around 7:30pm, and are in bed by 8pm.
Now that you're 2, we've turned you around in your car seat, and you love it! After 2 years, I've finally rejoined Daddy in the front seat (yes, you are spoiled).
Now that you're 2, we also eliminated your milk at bedtime. You seem fine with it.
Your vocabulary consists of: momma, dada, peas (please), bye-bye, hi, uh-oh, wow, uhhh, and ah-dee (who knows what this means?). You are not a big talker (not in word we understand anyway). You've been working with a speech therapist for 3 months now, but you're just not wanting to talk. I'm trusting that your speech will take off eventually.
You make all of your animal sounds, point to all of your body parts, are a puzzle whiz, can do all of your touch and feel farm flashcards, and follow a long in a book like a champ.
My favorite word that you say right now is "wow". When you see Christmas lights, I adore hearing "wowwww". Momma is pretty cute, too. You say more of a ma-maaa.
You love making truck sounds and playing with trucks and cars, going down your slide, putting puzzles together, looking at books, watching Bubble Guppies, Cat in the Hat, and Dora, and riding the electric 4 wheeler you got for your birthday.
You are quite the teaser. You cut your eyes and wait for a reaction.
When you give kisses, you say "mwaa" really loudly.
You don't enjoy the word "no". (who does?) You start fussing when you hear it.
You smile and laugh constantly. You have a big ol' belly laugh.
You're doing great at school. You march right in and haven't cried once when we've left you.
You're just so much fun. You like to play and interact, and you're learning new things constantly. Sometimes I can literally see the wheels turning in your little brain; I wish I could read your thoughts!
We love you, little man. You're 2!

{Two-November 2011}

{One-November 2010}

{1 Day-November 2009}

Dear Bo, The rest of Thanksgiving and your birthday....

2011-12-02T07:15:00.000-06:00

Mimi and Pop came up on Wednesday night, and we had a low key Thanksgiving lunch with the five us on Thursday. Then Pop went back to work and Daddy went to the ranch hunting for the weekend. We shopped with Mimi, got things ready for your party, and cooked and froze a lot of food.

{Watching Charlie Brown's Thanksgiving in Mimi's lap}

We headed to the farm on Saturday morning to get ready for your party, then came back after church on Sunday.

{Mimi & Pop}

{Goofing around with Pop before church}

You took a little nap when we got home, then you opened your presents from me and Daddy.

{You were thrilled to open presents again}

You love your new ride!

Dear Bo, Your first visit to Chuck E. Cheese...

2011-12-01T07:10:00.001-06:00

After your party, we went with some of your cousins to Chuck E. Cheese's. It was your first time, and you loved it!

Dear Memory Bank, Bo's Second Bday party (Part II of II)...

2011-11-30T07:58:00.010-06:00

With a holiday birthday, Bo is assured of a party with lots of cousins!

{Kassidy, Brooks, and Aunt Jen}

{Uncle Bud and our buddy, Hunter}

{Landry and the birthday boy}

{Brooks and Blaze}

{Kinley}

{Mammies and Bo}

And lots of help opening birthday presents!

{Tractor with scoop from Mimi and Pop}

{Book and tee from the Boardmans}

{Lawn mower from the Browns}

{Grill from the Boardmans}

{Tee Pee from Bud, Jen and family}

The birthday boy knew what to do with the candle this year!

Favorites: licking icing off the fingers, marshmallow pops, and goldfish...

Dear Memory Bank, Bo's Second Bday party (Part I of II)...

2011-11-29T09:56:00.001-06:00

Some day my boy will ask for a cartoon character bday party, or some sports theme. And out of sheer smitteness for him (is that a word?), I will honor his request. But for now...it's all Momma. And Momma loves fall. Therefore, Momma is hitting the fall party theme pretty hard until forced not to.

Last year? "Our pumpkin is turning one". This year? "Our turkey is turning two". Next year? No, I'm not telling you, but yes, I do already know. Surely, he won't have a strong preference I can't override at 3...

The invitations? A customized version of this from here.

The food? Ideas almost purely from Pinterest.

{Marshmallow pops}

{Cupcakes-the cupcake kits from Meri Meri are adorable!}

{Crackers in craft paper cones}

{Dipped Pretzels}

{Drinks served in turkey cups}

The craft? An adaptation of this. Because I knew I wouldn't have time to trace and cut out the turkey shape I decided upon, I found a silhouette online, enlarged it with a copy machine, cut out the center and laid it over the dried fingerpainted pages. Turned out so cute.

The game? I wanted to do a pumpkin relay (in light of Bo's obsession with pumpkin hauling) and a pumpkin balloon pop. But, it was crazy windy so we abandoned the pumpkin relay, and I was crazy-lazy so we abandoned the balloon pop. But...we did have a turkey hunt, and it was a success. We hid a stuffed turkey and had the kids "hunt for it". We gobbled when they were close and were silent when they weren't (similar to "hot/cold"). They had a ball. In fact, I think it's a new Thanksgiving tradition now.

The bday outfit? A gobble, gobble shirt made by our talented Aunt Jen.

Mother helped me make all the treats, and I'm so grateful! To be continued....guests and loot tomorrow!

Dear Bo, Your Second Birthday Letter...

2011-11-27T21:11:00.002-06:00

Today is the day I stop counting your life in months. You're two. On the one hand, I can't believe twenty four months have passed since you made me a momma. Yet on the other, it's almost impossible to remember who I was before I met you. I have found myself living in a constant state of dichotomous emotions since we met.

Time...simultaneously dragging by and flying by.
Feeling like you've always been here, but at the same time feeling like you were just born.
Being overjoyed every time you reach a milestone, but being sad that you're that much closer to venturing outside of my protection.
Anticipating with excitement the little boy you are becoming, but dreading that the baby boy I so enjoy will soon be gone.

It's strange how these competing emotions can coexist in a mother's heart. It's like everyday I lose a little more of my baby, but every day I gain a little more of the boy you are becoming. I can imagine I'll say that at every juncture. Surely this struggle to cherish today but anticipate tomorrow is not new, but you, my little buddy, you make me look at everything with fresh eyes. In fact, I have a little not-so-secret to tell you...

Your momma has worried about what tomorrow will bring for as long as her memory goes back. She's missed out on a lot of todays thinking about tomorrows; that's for sure.

But you...seeing life through eyes that want only the best for you...it's changed me. It really makes me love today and cherish today. In fact, I almost have the opposite struggle now...wanting to hold on today because it's so good. That's what you do...you make today so darn good. If last year taught me how to live in the peaks and the valleys, this year most definitely taught me the joy of living in the meadow.

In the meadow of simple joys:

Of learning to walk and running on your tippy toes everywhere you go
Of saying goodbye to expensive formula, hemp milk, and hello to cow's milk
Of laughing at every bodily function, but especially toots, burps, and sneezes
Of thinking the most hilarious thing in the world is to stick your finger in your ear or your nose and wait for me to make you take it out
Of going from absolute frustration to sheer mastery of Melissa and Doug puzzles
Of saying Momma, Dada, bye-bye, ah-dee (?), peas (please), der (there), and mwa! after you give kisses
Of the relieved cry-laugh you give when we go in your room if you've woken crying
Of showing you the zoo, the beach, the pumpkin patch, and many more of our favorite places
Of cartoons in the morning with you snuggled on my lap
Of reading and singing and rocking

That is just a glimpse of the meadow we've lived in this year. Sure, there have been tantrums, teething, unexplained sleepless nights, and other frustrations. But mostly...it's been a year of contentment.

If there is one word I would use to describe you this last year, it's happy. You are so smiley and happy. Even other people describe you this way. You love to giggle. You love to tease. You are really just an easy going little guy.

Adoration doesn't even hit the nail on the head. It's something more, but it's the only word I can think of at the moment. You're my life's biggest question mark and exclamation point rolled all into one. Thanks for making me a momma two years ago, Pooka. I am overwhelmed by my love for you.

{First meeting}

{One year ago}: Your first birthday letter

{Now}

Dear Memory Bank, 11 things I'm thankful for this Thanksgiving 2011...

2011-11-23T14:55:00.000-06:00

A healthy, happy almost 2 year old.
His kisses, chubby hands, blue eyes and belly laughs.
A husband who is a loyal, loving man.
That in an up and down economy, we live in an area that is relatively unscathed and enjoy stable jobs.
A practice group that is equal parts smart and enjoyable.
Friends who have become like family.
Family who have become friends.
Old memories that keep my past close and new memories that remind me to keep moving towards the future.
A wonderful nanny who loves Bo and cares for our family.
Books (I'm working on a collection of these cloth bound classics for me and these for ~~me, too,~~ Bo.)
A merciful Savior.

Dear Bo, Operation picture with Santa=FAIL...

2011-11-21T08:03:00.000-06:00

We met precious Claire again to take pictures with Santa. Last year you cried while she sat so sweetly; this year she decided crying was in order. While you never cried, you were trying to escape and kept reaching for Daddy.

We gave up and took pictures in front of a Christmas tree, but something went on with my camera (unbeknownst to me) and not a single one of my pictures turned out! I'm sick about it. Maybe next year...

Dear Bo, Sorry about the OCD...

2011-11-19T08:34:00.001-06:00

You love to line things up and stack things.

(clapping for yourself...my favorite)

I can only say that you came by it honestly....

Dear Bo, Thanksgiving lunch at school...

2011-11-18T08:41:00.008-06:00

You had Thanksgiving lunch at school yesterday so I had to dress you in your Thanksgiving duds (thanks, Aunt Jen!). This is the second time I got to play dress up with you this week, as cowboy day was Tuesday. I forgot to take a pic though! Shame on me; you were super handsome in your pearl snap shirt and John Deere work boots. Who says dressing boys can't be fun?

I wanted to take some pics before school, but all you wanted to do was carry around the pumpkins and give them a ride in your cozy coupe...

Dear Bo, Your first movie...

2011-11-17T08:32:00.012-06:00

We had a lazy evening Sunday when Daddy got home. We were flipping channels and saw that Madagascar was on. You loved it! You watched it in our laps (rotating back and forth), and we ate it up!

Then you laid on your pillow pet (thanks, Aunt Lori!) and watched How The Grinch Who Stole Christmas (the 1966 version) in none other than your Cat in the Hat t-shirt. I loved that movie growing up! You watched the whole thing (though sadly, you weren't interested in sitting in my lap during this one).

Dear Bo, Weekend review (a visit from the Pratts)...

2011-11-16T08:24:00.000-06:00

Daddy went hunting this weekend so we had a Mommy and Me weekend. Remember these last year?

We were joined by one of my oldest friends and her precious son, Hunter.

We put you to bed and enjoyed some soup and laughs on Friday night. Then we cooked breakfast, did a little shopping, took a nap, and watched the game (another disaster) on Saturday night.

After baths and pics in matching jammies, we turned in. Is 9pm too early to go to bed on a Saturday night? We didn't think so. Times...they have changed.

Sunday we went to church then Daddy came home early afternoon.

It was a fun Mommy and Me weekend with friends!

Dear Jules, We've got a history and it looks like we've got a future...

2011-11-14T21:40:00.001-06:00

First, our grandmothers (Mammaw and Grandmother---could there be more beautiful women??).

Then our mothers (and fathers, too, actually; I have a sweet pic of our parents on a ski trip that proves it).

Then us.

Now our sons.

Each new generation brings another new friendship. Aren't we lucky?

The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that they can grow separately without growing apart. ~Elisabeth Foley

Dear Bo, A trip to the OKC zoo...

2011-11-10T08:28:00.000-06:00

We all had some fun this weekend. We went to OKC and got to see some of our favorite people, Aunt Donna and Cousin Zac.

We visited and ate dinner on Friday night. On Saturday, I met up with girlfriends and shopped until I dropped (literally, we opened up the outlet mall, had the best time at the neatest store, then closed the mall down). We ate at one of my favorite restaurants and got most of our Christmas shopping done (and lots of it wrapped)! You and Daddy and Zac went to Bass Pro on Saturday then watched the Aggie game (another yucky one; I seem to be saying that a lot this season) and played outside.

On Sunday, we got up early and went to church (oh, how I miss it!), had breakfast at one of my favorite places, then went to the zoo. I heart the OKC zoo! I don't know if it was just the time of year and such a gorgeous day to be out walking around, or the fact that it was empty because we got there at about 10am, the fact that the habitats (is that what you call them?) are HUGE, or if it's really that great, but I am all over that place! We took you to the Fort Worth Zoo this summer (and also liked it), but the OKC zoo is just so...spacious (is that the word I'm looking for?).

I was all psyched about the pics I took because of the gorgeous day and the leaves turning, but...they definitely looked better in my imagination.

Dear Reader, Tuesday randomness (the zoo, a recipe, and Compassion)...

2011-11-08T11:15:00.001-06:00

We had the best weekend out of town! I got a TON of Christmas shopping done, The One and Bo hung out with family, and we all got to enjoy the zoo. (I am slightly obsessed with the OKC zoo now and can't wait to edit all my pics and post them.)

I had the best pumpkin pie shake this morning (link to recipe not working so here's the modified version I made using the ingredients I had available):

1/2 c nonfat Greek yogurt

1/2 scoop vanilla protein powder

1/3 c pumpkin puree

1 c milk

1 t pumpkin pie spice

Stevia (or any sweetener you have on hand) and ice to taste

Do you know about Compassion? It's an incredible organization that seeks to release children from poverty through 3 programs: a child survival program, a child sponsorship program, and a leadership program. We began sponsoring a little boy, Jeeva, in India several years ago, and I can't tell you what a blessing it's been. Aside from the obvious monthly sponsorship which provides Jeeva snacks, meals, educational opportunities, and medical checkups, we are able to send him birthday presents (selected by those close to him who know his needs/preferences), Christmas presents, and each year we choose to send a family gift (also selected by those close to the family who know their needs). One year, it was a mattress, and another year it was a goat. We correspond through letter writing, the letters translated by the Compassion field workers. Though I love traditional letters, you can now send correspondence via email, which makes it so easy to write to the child and attach pictures (they love pictures!). The biggest thing we are able to do is pray for Jeeva and his family. He is part of our nightly prayers with Bo; I can't wait to hear Bo say his name one day!

I am a skeptic by nature (hello---lawyer here), and I did a ton of research before sponsoring through Compassion, and my, oh my, talk about financial integrity! Over 80% of their expenditures go directly to program activities for the children. That's huge, folks. Huge.

Anywho...one of the ways Compassion raises awareness is to host blogger trips. They have "well known" bloggers go to a Compassion field site and blog about their experiences. It's how I first heard of them and found Jeeva. Several of the bloggers I follow (truth be told, I actually read all 6 of their blogs--Boo Mama (Sophie), Big Mama (Melanie), Amanda Jones (daughter of Beth Moore), Ann Voskamp (author of 1000 Gifts), and Kelly Stamps (from Kelly's Korner Blog)) arrived in Ecuador last night. I can't wait to read their posts. And this long winded three paragraphs is to encourage you to follow them, too. All their posts can be found here, and also on their individual blogs.

See? I told you this would be random...

Dear Bo, We need to talk...

2011-11-03T08:24:00.001-05:00

You looked ~~cute~~ tough; I'll give you that.

It wasn't cool how you ran in front of her all night while she daintily walked with her treat bag. I realize you wanted to show her how fast you could run, but it's ladies first, son.

I'll admit it; I was thrown off when you were messing with the party decorations and giving her an incentive to do the same. But then I caught on that you were trying to pull off a bad boy vibe. Nice touch.

Showing off your duck catching skills and catching three when you only needed one for a prize? Epic.

My favorite was you watching her get her bounce house and cheer skills on. She struck a pose, and you watched attentively. Nice. Ladies like attention.

I'm not going to lie though; you fumbled at the end of the game. We staged some hand holding for pictures, and you looked nothing less than dazed and confused. I'm going to chalk it up to you being shy and intimidated by her darlingness.

It got worse though. You cut your eyes at your hands.

And then I couldn't stop what happened next. You pulled your hand away.

You ducked your tail. And you ran away. Not cool.

Very nice recovery giving her a sweet peck good-bye though; I only wish I could have caught it on camera.

You've really got your work cut out for you. She's a doll. Just remember, that no matter how many times you fumble in this big old game of life, we'll always be rooting for you.

Dear Bo, Pumpkin Farm 2011...

2011-11-02T08:18:00.055-05:00

You are not sleeping so hot lately (eye teeth? something else? who knows?). We were pooped on Sunday and contemplated not getting out, but I am so glad we did. It was gorgeous out. We went to Maxwell's Pumpkin Farm. You had so much fun (and so did we)!

We saw the animals.

Rode the cow train.

Played in the corn box.

Saw "how tall this fall" you are.

Rode the red train.

Sat on the tractor.

Took a "scarecrow" pic.

Went through the obstacle course.

Went down the mountain slides (no surprise---your favorites!!).

And the magic carpet ride.

Went on a wagon trail ride.

Took a hayride.

Played in the pumpkin patch.

And then...we went home and rested. We were all pooped!

I'm looking forward to this becoming an annual tradition...

Dear Bo, You love gym...

2011-11-01T08:49:00.044-05:00

You're attending ADGC again this fall, but you're going with the nanny on Wednesday mornings instead of with us in the evenings. It gives you and her something to do instead of being cooped up at the house and saves us from rushing around like maniacs to eat dinner and get there on time. The downside is that we haven't gotten to see you progress.

They have an "open gym" one Saturday a month, and we went this Saturday to let you strut your stuff. Or shall I say "run-on-your-tippy-toes-your stuff"? Some things haven't changed; you're still obsessed with the balls in the gym.

You still love the slide.

But now...you're a lot more adventurous. There's a big wall that you can climb up (with stairs or a rope).

At the top is a tunnel to the other side of the gym where you slide down a steep slide and crash into soft pads at the bottom.

You. Loved. This. That's actually an understatement. You had a one track mind once you figured out how to climb up and across the tunnel. You had to have repeated this 50 times. When you got to the top, you giggled in anticipation, then you grinned the whole way down.

Your favorite was crashing into the soft pads though. You just laughed and laughed.

Occasionally, your little feet slowed you down at the bottom of the slide, and you didn't crash as dramatically as you wanted so you'd just thrash around and giggle, trying to recreate it.

You had the cutest little cheerleader.

Claire-Bear was there. She was reluctant to join you on the slide, but she'd sweetly say from the bottom, "Go, Bo!"

You were so sweaty (and your hair got so curly when it was sweaty) and pooped afterwards.

Our strategy was to wear you out so you'd take a good nap so we could watch the Aggie game. Our plan succeeded; too bad A&M didn't hold up their end of the bargain with a W (again...).

Dear Bo, Your first Halloween party...

2011-10-31T07:24:00.001-05:00

Your school Halloween party was on Thursday. You wore your costume to school and trick or treated that morning. Then your "party" was that afternoon.

{Handsome pirate}

The parents signed up to bring items for the party, and I signed up for party favors. I had so much fun making them Wednesday night! I stole ideas from Pinterest again, and loved how everything turned out...

{Overboard? Yes. Overcompensating for working mommy guilt? Absolutely.}

{Marshmallow ghosts}

{Jack-o-lantern goldfish}|

-inspired by ghosts above-

{Play-doh witches}

-inspired by these-

The "party" consisted of the 6 of you having juice boxes, goldfish, and cookies in your costumes. You were all fussy because you were woken up early from your naps for the party. You were still precious though.

Dear Bo, Weekend review (oh, yeah, we were home)...

2011-10-29T21:15:00.003-05:00

You stayed at a neighbor's house while we had the party and went night-night there. We picked you up after the party, and I beamed when she said you were a breeze to keep and fell asleep easily.

We had a lazy Sunday and played outside and enjoyed the nice weather because it's supposed to get cold this week. You were obsessed with the pumpkins. You loaded them in and out of your wagon and were so proud of yourself.

We had friends over Sunday evening to help us finish the leftovers from the party. You and the other 3 kiddos played your little hearts out and wore yourself out before bedtime.

Dear Reader, Firm Halloween party...

2011-10-28T21:14:00.001-05:00

I hosted the firm Halloween party at the house this year. I was dreading it since it was scheduled right after the big exam, but since I didn't take it and was a little down and out, the party gave me something to obsess over and turned into a nice distraction. I was told folks would come over and decorate so I just came up with the desserts and staged the tables.

I got so many ideas from Pinterest. I don't pin, but I do enjoy looking at everyone's else's pins. I made the following from ideas I saw there:

{Eyeball oreo truffles}
-oreo truffle recipe here , red sprinkles, colored M&M, and chocolate icing dot in center-

{Dipped pretzel rods}

{Witch cupcakes}
-the best cupcakes I've ever tasted: cupcake here and frosting here-

I have never attended a firm Halloween party so I was a little naive and thought it would be cutesy (or at least tasteful) Halloween decorations, but it turns out, it's more gory, scary decorations. Like this:

I used two card table sets I had for seating on our patio, and I needed some tablecloths for them, but I didn't want to spend very much money, and I don't sew, so I "made do". I was pleased with how they turned out. My card tables are standard sized so I got a perfect square of 45" width fabric and tied it back with orange ribbon. Since it was gathered on the edges, you couldn't even tell that the edges weren't hemmed...voila!

We had a lot of good costumes. The One and I aren't exactly costume people so we took easy street and were Jim and Pam from the Office (which consisted of him wearing khakis and a button down with a loose fitted tie and his hair combed forward messily, and me wearing gray pants, a maternity shirt, and my hair pulled back at the side, and both of us wearing Dunder Mifflin nametags. Lazy, I know, but when you host the party, you earn the right to be a little lax in the costume department.

Some of the better costumes:

{Charlie Sheen and one of his Goddesses}

{Witch and pirate}

{Bride and Groom}

{Pimp and his Girl}

{Steve Jobs and his iPhone}

Dear Bo, You're 23 months old...

2011-10-27T09:41:00.021-05:00

Yep. My heart just sank writing that. 23 months. Just one more month before I have a 2 year old.

Again, no idea with the stats. You're wearing 24 month everything (though the pants are too long and have to be folded over at the waist). You wear a size 6 shoe and a size 4 diaper.
You're rockin' the same schedule as last month. You are worn out when you get home from school on Tuesdays and Thursdays and sleep for several hours afterwards. Your week generally looks like this: M-speech at the house, T-school, W-gym class, R-school, F-go to Discovery Center or play time at the library.
You got one of your eye teeth last month which explains all the sleepless nights and diaper rash. You've been pretty good in the sleep department this month though (except for last night!).
You are so much fun these days. You have hilarious facial expressions. You cut your eyes very slowly and then grin so big. You've gotten into teasing that way. You also think it's super funny to flail around when we're trying to change your diaper, to run away as fast as you can (which is pretty fast) when we try to change your clothes, and to take off when we're about to start our bedtime routine.
Your crib has slats at the top on the foot board piece, and you love to put your leg through it when you wake up in the mornings. We usually know you're up when you start fussing because your leg is stuck.
Same words as last month, with the addition of "ah-dee". We don't know what this means, but you use it with multiple inflections, and you usually ask it as a question, like you're quizzing us on shapes, animal sounds, etc. (like we quiz you). You are relentless with it, too. If we don't answer, you say "ah-dee?" and point and ask over and over until we answer. You say "no" to everything, but not the abrupt, defiant, toddler "no" (though you can pull that off, too; trust me), but a sweet slow, "naohhh". In your world, "no" means yes, maybe, thank you, and sometimes even "no".
You're still into throwing things in the trash and taking things out of drawers/cabinets/any receptacle really and putting them back in. You're not afraid to clap for yourself when you're all done either.
You are into singing and motions. Your favorites? Wheels on the Bus, The Itsy Bitsy Spider, Heads-Shoulders-Knees-And-Toes.
You love you some puzzles. Your very favorites are this one and this one. You can do them in no time flat.
After trying to convince you to sign "all done" forever, you've decided this is the month to get it going. What in the world?
You are a true boy. You love to laugh at bodilyy functions...sneezing, tooting, and burping crack you up. You think it's funny to stick a finger in your nose and just look at us until we move your hand, and you just laugh and laugh.
You heart goldfish and cinnamon cheerios. Oh, how you heart them.
And oh, how we heart you. You're the best, little man.

{Now-October 2011}

{Then-October 2010}

{And just for fun-October 2009}

Dear The One, Number 11...

2011-10-25T04:16:00.000-05:00

Friday was #11; being married 11 years is one of the most rewarding things I've ever accomplished.

It's one of the easiest things I've ever done...

You are hot.
You are funny.
You are smart.
You are a good dad.
You are loyal and committed.

It's one of the hardest things I've ever done, too...

Some days I take for granted that you are hot, funny, smart, a good dad, loyal and committed (HFSGDLC).
Some days even HFSGDLC men are challenging.
Most days I am challenging.
Routine settles in.
There is trash to be taken out, laundry to do, a baby to bathe, and jobs to keep.

One of the reasons I'm most proud of the 11 years is because getting married was a choice, and staying married has been a series of choices. Staying married through difficult days, heck, even through difficult years.

We don't choose our families of origin, and we certainly can't change them. We don't choose our gender, and barring an extraordinary procedure, we can't change it. There's just a lot of life that involves playing the hand we're dealt.

But marrying each other was a choice, and we could change that at anytime.

Yet we don't. Even when it doesn't look like we want it to. We stay. We work on it. We say I'm sorry. We vow to do better next time.

I love that. I love knowing you don't have to be married to me, but you choose to be. It feels good to be chosen. It feels really good knowing I've been chosen the last 4,019 days.

I made a really good choice on October 21, 2000.

{April 2011}

Dear Bo, The rest of the weekend...

2011-10-20T23:22:00.001-05:00

Let's see, on Saturday, Daddy went to the ranch, and we went to Blaze's soccer game. You and Brooks palled around, then it was lunch at Aunt Jen's before nap time.

Sunday was church and lunch with cousins before heading home and playing hard before bedtime.

Weekend 6 out of town is complete, and now we are home for awhile. Hallelujah and amen.

Dear Memory Bank, Long live...

2011-10-18T23:20:00.002-05:00

My nieces adore Taylor Swift. One of my favorite memories with my oldest niece Brileigh is when I went to stay with my sis's family after Bo was born. We both sat on her bed and played the Fearless CD over and over so we could get down the lyrics. It reminded me so much of when I was little, and her mother and I would rewind tapes over and over and pause them so we could write down the lyrics and memorize them.

My brother's generous friend who works in the music business was able to get us great tickets to the Taylor Swift concert in Lubbock. My sisters in law, sis, the 3 oldest nieces, and my mom were all slated to go. Mom ended up taking a trip with a girlfriend so Dad went in her place. Since my brother's friend was there, my brother and nephew Landry went, too (and were in the sound booth close to where Taylor did a set; Landry even got a hug from her!). My talented SIL made the girls matching shirts to wear. The crowd was sold out, and there was a sea of excited girls. I loved seeing how many young girls were there with their parents. We were happy to be among them.

I knew I would love the concert. I love her music. And I love being anywhere with my nieces. What I didn't know was that I would tear up so many times in the concert! Melodramatic much? Yes, thankyouverymuch.

Her songs are so innocent and written with such raw honesty about those pivotal years in your life. Years that I've struggled with remembering kindly due to an overshadowing of bad decisions the last 6 months of high school that tainted an otherwise really special teen experience. As she sang some of my favorites, I got teary eyed remembering that time in your life when you have a clean slate and you walk around believing life is yours for the taking, but you're ignorant as to what that means specifically and what it will ultimately look like in your life.

The song Fifteen gets me every time. She also sang one I'd never heard before, "Long Live" that just about made me lose it. It's an upbeat, reflective song celebrating the window of success she's experiencing, and recognizing (with far more maturity than I had at her age) that while it's just a window (a very large one, I'd argue), some day it will be a memory and her hopes that the memory will long live. It made me reflect on all my own windows whose memories have lived long. I thought of many summers at Lake LBJ with my cousins having the best of times. I thought of high school basketball and what a fun, successful, special time I shared with my teammates. I thought of college with my girlfriends and Jonathan and what I will always remember as a seminal college weekend...the 1998 Big 12 championship game in St. Louis. I thought of the last girls' trip with Mom and Lori to D.C. before grandkids changed the landscape of our family. I thought of the summer Jonathan and I lived in New Jersey and had the time of our lives.

And most of all, I thought of that very evening.

Of my brother, BIL and husband giving baths and putting 6 sweet smelling little ones to bed in their jammies.
Of my mom who is blessed to have both the health and the means to travel with a girlfriend.
Of my dad sitting in a concert he would have been out of place in before he had granddaughters, but who now wouldn't want to be anywhere else.
Of my brother who always had lots of friends in high school and who still nurtures those old friendships well, so well that he was sitting with one during the concert.
Of my handsome 7 year old nephew who was so underwhelmed by Taylor Swift that he kept asking what her name was and was embarrassed to be hugged by her. :-)
Of my big sis who has the blessing of watching sisterhood play out before her very eyes with her own girls and who always welcomes me to peek at what mothering girls looks like.

And most of all, of my precious nieces who watched in wonder at the concert, some shyly mumbling the words, some boldly proclaiming them. Some with wide grins and some with reserved smiles. All at the time in their lives when they have a clean slate and believe life is theirs for the taking, but ignorant as to what that means specifically and what it will ultimately look like. I watched their expressions almost as much as I watched the stage. I don't think I've ever enjoyed watching someone else be so filled with joy. When she sang the line, "...long live that look on your face", I knew I would never forget the look on theirs.

And I thought...this moment right here...now this is a window. This time in my life where those I love are healthy and happy and sharing life together. And I recognized (and this perhaps spawned the tears) that it's fleeting. That there will come a day when my parents aren't healthy, when they're no longer with us even. There will likely come a day (though I hope it's far away) when my siblings' and my own family don't share life together like we do now because of full schedules, disagreements, or something else. That life will unfold for my precious nieces and hand them disappointment and heartbreak and may even fill them with some regret.

But I recognized with a full heart (insert more tears) that the memory will long live. That many years from now there will be a Taylor Swift song on an oldies station, and I will remember that night. And so will my nieces. And no matter what happens between now and that day, when we do hear it, we will be transported back to that night when we sang, and we danced, and we smiled, and we excitedly anticipated what song was next. I am so grateful for that.

{Excerpt from "Long Live"}

Will you take a moment? Promise me this...
That you'll stand by me forever.
But if God forbid fate should step in
And force us into a goodbye,
If you have children some day
When they point to the pictures,
Please tell them my name.
Tell them how the crowds went wild;
Tell them how I hope they shine.

Dear Bo, Have I ever told you how handsome I think you are?

2011-10-13T23:17:00.000-05:00

Well, I think you're handsome. There. I said it.

(After church on Sunday playing in the back of Daddy's pickup)

Dear Me, A goal deferred is not an unrealized goal...

2011-10-12T23:19:00.024-05:00

Well, Sunday was melt down day. I have been studying like crazy for 6 weeks for my TBLS exam. It's administered on the 17th. My deal with myself was that if I did not feel confident about the exam by Monday, I wouldn't sit for it. Confidence is seriously half my battle with exams. I have a very specific assault plan when I study. In fact, it takes me a good week to come up with a study plan (planning week is always my favorite week). And usually by the end of the plan, I feel good enough about the material to walk into an exam with confidence (not necessarily confidence that I'll pass, but confidence that I couldn't have done anything more to prepare).

I learned a lot studying for the exam...primarily, that I have a lot to learn before I sit for the TBLS exam. Good to know. Self awareness bites sometimes, but I'm self aware enough to realize that I could accept deferring the exam for a year far better than I could accept sitting for and failing an exam I felt unprepared for.

But still...that doesn't mean that I wasn't up more than half the night Sunday night wrestling with the decision and that I didn't shed some tears over deferring this goal. I'm trying to make peace with the realization that a goal deferred is not an unrealized goal, but it still stings that I won't take the exam.

Bleh.

Dear Bo, A weekend at home (FINALLY)...

2011-10-10T23:13:00.000-05:00

This was supposed to be our 6th weekend out of 8 (in a row!!) that we were out of town. We just COULD. NOT. DO. IT.

Daddy was out of town all week, and the Ags have let us down two weekends in a row so we just forewent the Tech v. A&M game in Lubbock and stayed home.

We watched the first half with the A&M club. You were great. You had a high time eating your kids' meal and people watching. Then we finished the second half at home.

You and Daddy did a lot of bonding while I spent a majority of the weekend studying. It was brutal. But it was SO GOOD to be home on a weekend for a change.

Dear Bo, A week with Momma...

2011-10-06T23:03:00.001-05:00

Daddy had an unexpected work trip to Mississippi so it's just you and me this week. We've been doing some really educational (and safe) stuff like decorating your feet with skewers...

Let's call this imaginative play so I can feel better about it (you did this by yourself, by the way)...

Dear Memory Bank, Another disappointing Aggie game...

2011-10-03T22:56:00.000-05:00

Yep, another weekend away (that makes 5 in a row). This time we went to DFW for the A&M v. Arkansas game.

I was wondering if I would go at all. Bo had a tummy bug and terrible diaper rash from it. He was miserable, and I was worried about leaving him, but he ended up doing great all weekend. We left late on Friday and flew to Dallas. We stayed with our old friends and had a great time. Sure, it was the same story as last week, with a stellar first half and roll over second half, but we caught up with friends, enjoyed the game from a suite at Jerry World, and were able to get back home on Sunday morning at a decent time. Just right. We were reunited with our boy (who stayed at the farm) and all was well.

{At least the band "won" the halftime show}

Dear Bo, You're the smiling-est little boy!

2011-10-01T22:53:00.002-05:00

Dear Memory Bank, South Padre (Day 3 and 4)...

2011-09-29T21:50:00.002-05:00

I spent Saturday morning at meetings until lunch time. While none of the meetings were directly related to my practice area, they were very interesting. We then had lunch at Dirty Al's. The oysters were so-so, but the peel and eat shrimp (with the yummy Dirty Al's sauce) was wonderful. Unfortunately we watched the Aggie game after lunch (translation: we watched the Ags play a great first half, then roll over the second half).

After such a disappointing game, the only thing that could make us (me; Jonathan was inconsolable) feel better was the beach. While Jonathan moped, I took a walk and shot some pics.

We finished the night listening to live music (the Bongo Dogs) at the Wanna Wanna Bar & Grill. The band was great, and it was a wonderful evening to be outside.

Saturday we took some pictures, had another yummy breakfast, took a drive to the end of the island for some more pics, and had lunch at the Big Donkey (yum) before heading to the airport. We were early heading back so we stopped at the outlet malls, and I so wish we had had more time there! There were a lot of great stores.

{Pics after sunrise}

{Pictures from the end of the island}

South Padre isn't the easiest place to get to from Amarillo so it took us forever to get home. (SPI to Hobby to Dallas Love to Ama--bleh). We were so ready to get back to our buddy, but grateful for the time away. I got some much needed study time in, and we were able to spend some time relaxing and just being together. We were so impressed with South Padre! The water and beach were clean and just really lovely.

Dear Bo, You're 22 months old...

2011-09-27T22:27:00.000-05:00

How is that even possible?

No idea on your stats. You wear 18 month pants, 24 month shirts, size 6 shoe, and a size 4 diaper.
You have a lot of hair, and it's wavy. You are one thick little boy.
You are on your same old schedule: wake 7:30ish, watch a cartoon and have some milk and breakfast, lunch around 11:45, down for a nap (2 or 3 hours), dinner at 6ish, then bath and bed around 7:45pm.
You got some more teeth in this month (you're up to 11 I think), and it was a rough time around these parts at night.
You are hit and miss with eating. Some days you'll eat everything in sight; other days I'm convinced you'll turn into a cheerio or a goldfish.
You love, love, love Bubble Guppies. If we ask if you want to watch it, you run and sit in your chair. Love it.
You love books. Makes me so happy.
You love outside. Kicking the ball, shooting baskets, getting in and out of your cozy coupe, playing in the sandbox, going down the slide, and swinging. You love it all.
You're into clapping, shutting doors, throwing things in the trash, and giggling.
Changing your diaper and clothes is like wrestling an alligator most days.
You're still not the most verbal little guy. You say Momma, Dadda, hi-dee, bye-bye, peas (please), and repeat various other words, but don't say them unprompted. If we push you to say something, you get frustrated and screech. There's a lot of screeching going on at our house.
You know your animal sounds and body parts. We have some farm flash cards, and you can identify all the objects. It makes me laugh that you know which card has the combine and which has the farmer. Pop will be proud!
You have one speed...fast. You run everywhere.
We switched the school you go to, and you're so happy at your new school. Warms my heart to drop you off and see you march right in without hesitation. There are 6 kids in your class, and you have two teachers who fuss over the 6 of you (Ms. Willie and Ms. Jeanne).
You are generally a very happy boy. You love to giggle and clap for yourself.
We love you to pieces, little guy.

{Now-September 2011}

{Then-September 2010}

Dear Memory Bank, An unexpected trip to South Padre (Day 1 and 2)...

2011-09-26T21:29:00.002-05:00

We were given the opportunity to go to South Padre for my work for the weekend. We decided to call it an early anniversary trip (#11 is just a month away) and spent Thursday evening through Sunday evening there. It was our first time to leave you with someone other than family for the weekend (the nanny kept you at the house), and you did wonderfully.

There was plenty of relaxing, but it was mostly a study weekend for me. My TBLS exam is a month away, and I'm busy cramming. While it's grueling, I am reminded how much I enjoy studying. I haven't made the time to do much studying "for pleasure" since the "billable hour monkey" jumped on my back six years ago. I had forgotten how much I enjoy planning my assault on the study materials and then executing the plan. My nerdiness has not forsaken me. If you would have told me when I was in high school that I would still be studying for exams 15 years later, I probably wouldn't believe you. I have always been self aware about my nerdiness, but even I thought I'd eventually grow out of it. I guess there's still time...

Anywho, we arrived late Thursday evening. We flew into Harlingen, then rented a car and drove to the condo we rented. It was a late night, but we were glad to have a full day on Friday.

Since sleeping late is not our forte, we were up and at 'em Friday morning. We enjoyed breakfast at Grapevine Cafe (it was delish), grocery shopped, hung out at the pool, had a sandwich at the condo, then enjoyed some time at the beach before dinner.

{The Pool}

{The Condo}

{Of course, our boy was never far from our thoughts}

{I even got a pedicure before we left!}

Dinner was at a partner's house from the host firm in Brownsville, and it was actually a lot of fun (I say actually because dinner with a house full of lawyers is plenty of things, but fun is not always among them).

Dear Bo, A weekend with Daddy...

2011-09-19T21:19:00.001-05:00

September and October are months of travel! I think I counted 6 weekends in a row I'll be out of town. Whew. This weekend was my firm retreat in Albuquerque. I went over on Friday, we had some meetings on Saturday morning, I enjoyed a massage that afternoon, then studied for my TBLS exam until dinner that night. This was my view while I studied. Not bad at all.

Meanwhile, back at the home place, you and Daddy went to his work's picnic. He reported that you were fearless scaling the bounce house and going down the slide. Uh-oh. I see bumps and bruises in our future!

I headed home on Sunday after stopping at one of my favorite grocery stores. Then we arrived and headed for dinner with some of our new friends. Satisfying food and even more satisfying conversation was a perfect way to end the weekend.

Dear Bo, Weekend review (a trip to the farm with a few bad iPhone pics)...

2011-09-13T21:27:00.007-05:00

This Momma loves short work weeks!

The weekend was here in nothing flat, and we took off for the farm right after work on Friday. Daddy had some dove hunting to do (no luck!), and Momma went to Living Proof Live with Mimi in Lubbock (so good!). You played outside on Friday night, went to the Cowboy Symposium with Pop and Daddy on Saturday morning, hung out with Daddy during the day, and hung out with Mimi and Pop Saturday night.

{Mimi and I at Living Proof Live}

We came back early on Sunday. You were a fuss bucket deluxe all day because you didn't feel well. Here's to hoping it's a better week!

Dear Bo, Your first day of "school"...

2011-09-09T21:15:00.021-05:00

You started Mother's Day Out this week. And to be honest...it makes me think you'll be going off to college next year! I just keep thinking...how did we get here so quickly? I realize you're still not even 2, but it feels as if time is moving so quickly. The person who said, "the days are long, but the years are short" certainly had it right.

{Getting a picture of you with your backpack and nap mat was impossible.}

{You kept running off!}

You did great at school. Daddy and I both went to drop you off, and you didn't cry when we left, nor did you cry all day. You took a nap (I still can't believe you'll just nap on a nap mat in a room full of kids) and ate about 1/2 your lunch. You're quite the teacher's helper with closing doors (one of your current favorite things to do at home).

{You love to clap for yourself, too.}

In my true "love for all things preparation", I had tons of fun finding your backpack, lunch box, and nap mat (made by your oh-so-talented Aunt Jen), and, of course, laying out your clothes and making your lunch the night before!

I hope this marks the beginning of you loving to learn!

Dear Bo, Labor Day weekend review...

2011-09-06T20:58:00.016-05:00

{Friday night date night with Momma} Some dinner, a walk, and rocking and singing in our pajamas until a certain blue eyed boy zonked out. (Daddy went for a boys' weekend fishing.)

{Saturday with Momma and a last minute trip to the ranch} It didn't work out where we could go with Daddy so after breakfast and a morning walk, we decided at the last minute to hop over to the ranch. All your cousins there, and plenty of fun was had by all. Despite how worn out you were, you were not in the mood for sleeping from 1:30-5:30am so Mimi and I got plenty of snuggles.

{Playing with Blaze and Brooks on the mule}

{My blue eyed boy}

{Riding the horse with Pop; you fussed and fussed if it wasn't your turn.}

{You and your buddy Kamryn}

{And the birthday girl, Bri}

{The handsome Bozeman cousins}

{Playing peek a boo with Aunt Jen}

{All the cousins}

{Sunday with Daddy and Momma} We met up with Daddy at the house on Sunday for the Aggie's opener. You were pooped from your restless night so you were out before the game started. Don't worry...I snoozed through a good bit of it, too.

{Monday with Daddy and Momma} After breakfast, we took a walk at medi park, played at the playground, and fed the ducks. Then it was nap time and chili time. We got the slightest chill in the air so we welcomed football season and cooler temps with a fall favorite...chili.

I can't believe you looked like this a year ago...

Dear Bo, You have my sweet tooth...

2011-09-01T21:33:00.000-05:00

You may have your daddy's facial expressions, hands, and feet, but you have my sweet tooth...

Dear Bo, Weekend review (a new pergola)...

2011-08-30T21:22:00.000-05:00

We have talked about building a pergola over our back patio since we moved in back in 2005.

We finally bit the bullet and built one on Friday (I use the term "we" very loosely). Love, love, love it! Now I'm busy obsessing over furniture for the space.

Instead of having a date night out on Friday, we enjoyed dinner outside under it. Great night.

On Saturday night, we had date night out at a new (to us) Mexican restaurant. Then we came home and sat outside some more. You enjoyed chasing bubbles, and we enjoyed watching you.

Dear Bo, You're 21 months old...

2011-08-27T21:02:00.000-05:00

21 months old? How did this happen? Here's what you're up to:

You weigh around 29 pounds; I'm not sure about the other stats.
You wear mostly 12-18 month clothes, but some 18-24 months shirts work, too. You wear a size 4 diaper and a size 6 shoe.
You're rockin' the same ol' schedule: wake around 7:30am, have milk and some breakfast, have milk and lunch around 11:45 or 12pm, then down for a nap (which lately has been 2 hours), juice and snack, milk and supper around 6pm, then bath and bed at around 8pm.
You have 12 teeth now. Middle 4 top and bottom and 1 molar on each side. Teething has disrupted your nighttime sleep this month. When your sleep is disrupted, I'm always reminded of your non-sleeping infancy and so very grateful that you're such a good sleeper now.
You are a happy boy. You smile and giggle constantly. So much so that sometimes we wonder, "is this normal?" You have these hysterical laughing fits that sometimes freak us out.
You love: throwing 2 small balls over and off your little slide (over and over again), pushing any kind of button (remote, alarm system, microwave, phone), clapping, watching Bubble Guppies, chasing and kicking Scout, closing doors, and eating goldfish.
You don't love: hearing the word 'no', having clothes put on or off, and having your shoes put on.
At the first of the month, you were seriously into acting out when you were frustrated. You would hold your hand up (like a heil Hitler pose) and slam it down, while yelling, "tuh". We've been working on it, and thankfully, we don't see as much of it these days.
You are a thick little guy. I can't resist your chubby hands, chubby feet, and chubby, chubby legs.
You're verbalizing more: you say Momma, Dadda, dee (drink), peas (please), fi (fish), bye-bye, and you'll try to say many other things we encourage you to say. When you want something you either rub your chest (sign language for please) or do sign language for more. I'm pretty much puddy when you do either.
While I'm still torn with you inching closer to 2, I'm enjoying the new freedoms: I no longer take a diaper bag anywhere; it's just a snack in the purse, and we're good to go. You eat what we eat at restaurants, and you love getting your own drink at a restaurant. You're just so easy now.
A-d-o-r-e you. We adore you.

{Then-August 2010}

{Now-August 2011}

Dear Bo, Your girlfriend's back...

2011-08-24T20:59:00.000-05:00

She can play ball...

She can be a heavy lifter when she needs to be (pulling you in the wagon)...

But she knows how to be a lady and ride in her chariot while her prince pushes her, too...

And run her hands through her hair...

And do the hand motions that she loves you "this much!"...

And share her goldfish with you (see how full your cheeks are???)...

And her piercing brown eyes? They cast a spell for sure...

To be fair, you did your thing. You showed her your rebel side by running off from Momma and Daddy and grinning defiantly...

You were even vulnerable and showed her your tired side...

The best thing about her is that she is raised by Christian parents who are praying the same prayers we are for her future (it's a bonus that they're Aggies, too), but we won't tell you both that, as we know the parental curse can work against us. Son, you've got your work cut out for you.

But let's face it, couple wagon rides are a start...

It's incomprehensible that some of your first outings were only a year ago. If only I could have caught on camera her sweet pageant wave, "Bye Bye Bo", and your clumsy, boyish, up and down wave, "Buh Bye"..

Dear Bo and Hunter, Henceforth known as "Bo" Hunter...

2011-08-22T21:22:00.000-05:00

Your grandmothers are friends.
Your moms are friends.
Your uncles (both) are friends.
You truly have no choice but to be friends.

My childhood BFF, her hubs, and her new baby came to town this weekend, and we spent the weekend hanging out, visiting, watching FNL, and just reconnecting. We never put a stitch of makeup on, and we never left the house. Suh-weet!

Despite the look on this face...

we had a great time.

Dear Me, If yours were a chapter book life...

2011-08-21T10:34:00.002-05:00

...it would read something like this:

{Chapter One} The Early Years: A loving but firm childhood on the farm

{Chapter Two} The School Years: A confident, fun loving girl conquers grade school

{Chapter Three} The Junior High Years: Confidence waivers, a wobby walk through junior high

{Chapter Four} The High School Years: An insecure, anxiety-ridden adolescent experiences the highs and lows of high school

{Chapter Five} Young Love: What I learned from my first loves

{Chapter Six} Regrets: Mistakes made, friends lost, family hurt

{Chapter Seven} The College Years: A confident, fun loving girl gets her groove back

{Chapter Eight} God's Mercies: Meeting and marrying Jonathan

{Chapter Nine} Godly Women: The things my Granny and Mammaw taught me

{Chapter Ten} No Idle Hands Here: The Deere years, law school, and a legal career

{Chapter Eleven} Married Without Children: The first 9 years with Jonathan

{Chapter Twelve} Everything I Never Knew I Was Missing: Becoming a mother

{Chapter Thirteen} Family: Becoming friends with the family chosen for you

{Chapter Fourteen} Friends: Becoming family with the friends chosen by you

{Chapter Fifteen} Marriage: "Doing Life" with a true partner

{Chapter Fifteen} Self: Remembering me, while being her (wife, momma, daughter, friend, attorney)

Dear Memory Bank, Galveston Day 5...

2011-08-19T09:21:00.000-05:00

We packed up Saturday morning, said farewell to the beach, and headed to The One's grandmother's house to spend time with her, The One's parents, and his sweet Aunt Dorothy. No one is getting any younger, so it's always extra special to visit with his grandmother and aunt. This visit did not disappoint. Bo seemed to know how special they are, and doled out kisses, winning them over.

{Kisses for Granmama}

{Kisses for Aunt Dorothy}

{His grandmother got her share of kisses, too.}

{Playing with GranDa was extra fun}

{I love the joyful look Mary has on her face in this picture}

{And I love how Bo is puckering up in this picture}

{The Talley Side}

{The Zanowiak Side}

We caught our flight late afternoon, and Bubble Guppies and the magna doodle did their trick for the most part. We had a delay in Dallas, though, and the flight was full so it was a little more work to keep Bo happy and quiet. We were only moderately successful.

{Bubble Guppies and Goldfish}

We were all happy to be home Saturday night. Bo was so pooped that he slept from 8pm-9am and had a 3.5 hour nap on Sunday.

Overall, it was a great vacation. Lots of sweet memories were made (and many captured on camera...hurray!).

{My favorite pic of the 3 of us from the trip}

Dear Memory Bank, Galveston Day 4...

2011-08-17T09:09:00.001-05:00

On Friday, we had most of the day to ourselves.

We enjoyed time at the beach...

{Pointing up at the helicopters; with goldfish in hand, of course}

{Shark bite butt}

{Catching a ride from Daddy}

Time at the beach house (with Bo napping, and me reading this)...

More time at the beach after Bo's nap...

Dinner at Luigi's. (It was delish!)

And finally, a restful night's sleep, with Bo in his own bed, in a room all his own.

Dear Memory Bank, Galveston Day 3...

2011-08-16T08:56:00.002-05:00

Bo slept in his own bed Wednesday night so we woke up Thursday refreshed! It was another day at the beach, and the "big boys" also took the older kids putt putting. The One's parents and grandmother came for the day so there were a lot of people for Bo to visit with.

After dinner we went on a walk at the beach and got some of my very favorite pictures from the trip.

{We could not get Bo to get a group shot right by the 4 older kids.}

{When we tried, this would happen.}

{Or this}

{So we resorted to The One chasing him around the kids in hopes of getting him near them smiling.}

{The kids are crazy about Uncle Jonathan}

{The best we could do for a family of 3 shot.}

{Because moments later, Bo looked like this}

{Father and son time}

{Strolling}

{Boardmans}

{Browns}

{One of my favorite pics of all time...my boy and the moon}

Dear Memory Bank, Galveston Days 1 and 2...

2011-08-14T08:30:00.001-05:00

Our flight to Houston went smoothly. Bo was a pretty happy boy. The flight wasn't full so he was able to have free reign in the seat between us which always helps. I got a few new things to entertain him, and they worked like a charm. Lately he's been obsessed with Bubble Guppies, so we downloaded a few new episodes to our phones. I also got him one of these, and he loved it.

A friend let us borrow their car seat travel tote, and it made packing so easy! We had two checked bags, checked the car seat tote (and stuffed it with diapers, bedding, etc.), and then carried on a diaper bag, personal bag, and gate checked the stroller. Easy peasy!

We rented a car in Houston and met up with The One's sister's family. We grocery shopped then checked into our beach house. We rented through VRBO, and rented both the up and downstairs unit of Bob's Beach House. Though not loved by all, it met all of my requirements: clean, inexpensive, and convenient to the beach. That night we had dinner and got settled in. Bo decided he'd sleep in our bed instead of his, which was actually rather sweet. Though he rarely gets in our bed at home, when he does, he bounces around instead of sleeping so to have him actually cuddle up and sleep by me was pretty sweet.

Wednesday we were up and at 'em to the beach. The Browns brought a tent so we had ample shade at the beach. It was windy all week, which was actually appreciated because it kept us cooler than otherwise. The One's dad and grandmother came for the day, and we enjoyed visiting.

{"Base camp"}

The older kids had boogie boards, and they had a lot of fun trying to ride the waves. Bo loved the sand and having the waves come up to him.

{Zane with the boogie board. Bo and Daddy playing in the ocean.}

{Alyssa and Campbell}

{Cade and Campbell}

{Playing in the sand.}

{All nerdy in our Coolibar hats, but hey--no sunburns!}

{Aunt Collyn and Bo}

He didn't so much love his cousins trying to pick him up though.

Dear Vacation, How I love the anticipation of you...

2011-08-08T08:20:00.000-05:00

We'll be off work all week for vacation so the end of last week and the weekend was spent in vacation prep mode. For me, the anticipation of the vacation is often times as good as the vacation itself.

I get my house in order.
I get my office in order.
I get to plan, plan, plan.

What's not to love?

On Friday, we enjoyed a little family date night at our favorite sushi place then played outside.

{We recently got this screen for our patio door, and Bo thinks he's hot stuff marching through it.}

On Saturday, we played, I worked a little, and The One worked outside a lot. On Sunday, we enjoyed church, did a lot of packing (one of my very favorite things), and hung out all day. And today, I've worked a little while the boys played, we went to the Discovery Center, and we're all packed up for our beach vacation tomorrow. Tonight's also the last meeting for my summer Bible study so I'm all ready for that (which has been a real treat to host). It's so nice to have an entire week off from work. I'm looking forward to spending all week with my boys!

Dear Bo, Have I ever told you how much I love you in a hat?

2011-08-03T07:59:00.000-05:00

Well, I do.

Dear Bo, It was a centennial celebration...

2011-08-01T20:54:00.001-05:00

My hometown had its centenniel celebration this weekend.

The Bozemans did their part by decorating a float for the parade...

Wearing matching tie dyed shirts (made by my talented SIL).

Posing for pics...

And weathering the heat.

We also got plenty of play time, snuggle time, giggle time, ice cream time, and lovin' on cousins, aunts un,cles, Pop and Mimi time in, too!

All in a weekend's work...

Dear Bo, A pretty perfect Saturday...

2011-07-29T07:59:00.002-05:00

First up...frog hunting.

Then...the playground.

Next...feeding the ducks.

After that...the Discovery Center.

What next? Burgers and fries on the patio (yes, that was just morning fun...).

A good nap, a couple of hours at the pool, then date night for Momma and Daddy while you played with sweet Daisy.

A great Saturday indeed.