Dear Baby, You scared me...

We went to your Zanowiak grandparents’ house over the weekend, but we decided not to tell anyone until we went to our doctor’s appointment June 2nd. It’s special being “our little secret”. I started cramping and bleeding pretty badly on Saturday night, and I was sure I was miscarrying you. Even though I’m a natural pessimist and have been convinced this would happen, I was sad. Daddy said a prayer for you and me, and I resigned myself to miscarrying. We got home yesterday and there was more bleeding and cramping. I took a bath, cried, said “thank you” to God for taking care of whatever needed to be taken care of by allowing a miscarriage, then decided to just try again in a couple of months.

I called the doctor this morning and told them, and they told me to come in right away for an internal sonogram. Daddy came, too. Before we went in the room, we were both a little nauseous and nervous. We couldn’t decide if it was because we thought you were still there or weren’t still there—both options are a little scary.

They told us it was too early to see a heartbeat--that they were just looking for a gestational sac. You must already be an overachiever because there you were, and we even saw your heartbeat! Shocked to see you would be an understatement…I already mourned you last night!

I have to rest at night after work this week until they can measure your growth on Friday. I’m so glad you’re still here.

Love,

Momma