Dear All, Mother's Day...

Three years ago, I'm not quite sure what I was doing.  Jonathan's mom's birthday falls around Mother's Day, so I'm guessing we were getting together with the rest of the Z family to celebrate.  

Two years ago, I found out I was going to be a momma.   We were visiting Jonathan's family that weekend and had decided not to share our news yet (I took a pregnancy test on a Thursday, and we headed to his family's on a Friday so the news was very new).  It was such a special time, the two of us being the only ones who knew about our expanding family.

One year ago,we were in a rough patch.  May was one of the most difficult months of little Bo's life (and thus, one of the most difficult months of mine).

 This year, I am enjoying one of the most wonderful times of my life.  It's a time my family of three and my extended famiy are healthy and happy...a time when enjoying life is simple to do.  As I think about the contrasts of years past, I am struck by how much can change in 12 months.  When I think of Mother's Days prior to three years ago, I am even more struck by the contrast of my then and now.

Mother's Day has always been marked on my calendar.  I've carefully selected gifts and cards, and always called home.  Holidays are important to me, and Mother's Day is no exception. But now...now it's different. 


It's different in two respects really:

1.  Because now I evaluate myself as a mother...

          I sat through church this morning and listened to a sermon about mothers and specifically about a            Proverbs 31 woman.  And all the while, I was thinking...is that describing me?  Is that who I am?  How
          can I embody these characteristics?  I read the greeting cards and wonder if they apply to me.  I
          listen to the sentiments and wonder if I they describe me.  It's never been a day of reflection and self    
          evaluation for me, but suddenly it is.

2.  Because now I look at my own mother through a mother's eyes...

         I like to think I've honored my mother in Mother's Days past.  But now...now I'm aware of how inadequate my sentiments have been.  When you've had a new baby delivered into your arms and you've fretted over their every whimper, fever, and grunt.  When you've dreamed a thousand dreams for them before they are 30 days old and marveled over their every fiber...  One day it hits you..."my mother may have done this".  She may have marveled over me.  She may have imagined who I would become.  Her heart may have felt like it would explode because of me.  It's a weird feeling...suddenly seeing your mother's love for you akin to the love for your own, realizing a love you think is incomparable is indeed comparable to the love someone else has...for YOU.  And while I'm only 17 months into this, it's not hard to imagine how my feelings will intensify (just as hers have done I presume) when I've watched him gain his independence, when I've consoled him through friends' betrayals, broken hearts, and consequences suffered, when I've watched him start his career, meet his mate, and start a family of his own.  And suddenly...the jewelry, the perfume, the cards, the flowers...all the ways I've acknowledged Mother's Day...they seem pretty silly.  Because can any THING really convey what a mother means?  Surely not.  The only hope I have really is that living a full life...loving my God, my husband, my baby, my friends, and my extended family is a gift that honors my mother more than anything.

Thank you, The One, for making me a momma.

Thank you, sweet Bo, for being on the receiving end of this momma experience.

And thank you, Mother, for showing me what being a momma is.

Happy Mother's Day to all!