Dear Me, A goal deferred is not an unrealized goal...

Well, Sunday was melt down day.  I have been studying like crazy for 6 weeks for my TBLS exam.  It's administered on the 17th.  My deal with myself was that if I did not feel confident about the exam by Monday, I wouldn't sit for it.  Confidence is seriously half my battle with exams.  I have a very specific assault plan when I study.  In fact, it takes me a good week to come up with a study plan (planning week is always my favorite week).  And usually by the end of the plan, I feel good enough about the material to walk into an exam with confidence (not necessarily confidence that I'll pass, but confidence that I couldn't have done anything more to prepare). 

I learned a lot studying for the exam...primarily, that I have a lot to learn before I sit for the TBLS exam.  Good to know.  Self awareness bites sometimes, but I'm self aware enough to realize that I could accept deferring the exam for a year far better than I could accept sitting for and failing an exam I felt unprepared for.

But still...that doesn't mean that I wasn't up more than half the night Sunday night wrestling with the decision and that I didn't shed some tears over deferring this goal.  I'm trying to make peace with the realization that a goal deferred is not an unrealized goal, but it still stings that I won't take the exam.

Bleh.