Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Dear Kate, Your second birthday letter...

Two?  Already?  I feel like your first two years have flown; they have been full of so much transition.  When I look at you, you represent to me something so huge; it’s hard to even put it into words, but I’m going to try…

I never imagined I would have a daughter.  I was scared to even hope for it.  I’ve never been that good at being a “proper woman” (whatever that means), and I knew that God would not entrust me with a little girl to mold into a “proper woman”.  I was far too deep a thinker even at an early age, always preoccupied with serious things it felt like.  I wasn’t a good “girls’ girl”, but wasn’t really a “guys’ girl” either.  I always felt a little awkward, a little out of place.  I’ve always had ambitions that weren’t very feminine.  I’ve tried to be really good at “girl things”, but my heart hasn’t really been in them.  I couldn’t imagine that I would be anything but a disservice to a little girl.  But the most amazing thing happened…He believed in me and gave me you.  And loving you has somehow made me love me; something I’ve failed to do for far too long.  And loving you has made me love being a woman and has even made me realize I’ve put far too many quotation marks around being a woman.  I’ve realized I love, love dressing you and doing your hair.  I love making your room sweet and feminine.  I love painting your toenails and fingernails and pretending to put makeup on you.  I love playing baby dolls with you and telling you you are beautiful.  I’m looking forward to molding you not into a “proper woman”, but into the woman He created you to be.  And in the process, I’m finally giving myself permission to embrace the woman He created me to be.  You inspire me so.

You are such a beautiful little girl.  You are petite and blonde and have beautiful blue eyes.  We have to work for grins and giggles, but they are delightful when you indulge us.  You are skeptical of people and don’t dole out affection without some time and thought.  You are a little sassy sometimes and a lot feisty most of the time. 

You love your brother but can be harsh with him, too.  You do a mighty mean, “No, sir” if he’s displeased you.  You are not the best sleeper.  You insist on us staying in your rocking chair until you’re asleep in your crib.  You’ve slept with us many times, forcing me to eat my words on that topic. 

You love most anything your brother’s into (trains, planes, swords).  You also love babies (real and play), Bubble Guppies, Frozen, and playing with your pretend kitchen.  You like to climb, hang on things, and you are quite the talker.  You will try to say almost anything and already speak in short sentences.  You like to sing, but it has to be your idea (as is true with most anything where you’re concerned).  I love your sweet voice.  You clasp your hands when we pray, and it overwhelms me with gratitude that you’re mine.

I love you, sweet girl.  I have no idea how to mother a daughter.  I have no idea how to be a “proper woman”.  But I absolutely adore you, and I’ll stay on my knees looking for direction on how to help you be the amazing little lady He created you to be.