Today is the day I stop counting your life in months. You're two. On the one hand, I can't believe twenty four months have passed
since you made me a momma. Yet on the other, it's almost impossible to remember who I was before I met you. I have found myself living in a constant state of dichotomous emotions since we met.
- Time...simultaneously dragging by and flying by.
- Feeling like you've always been here, but at the same time feeling like you were just born.
- Being overjoyed every time you reach a milestone, but being sad that you're that much closer to venturing outside of my protection.
- Anticipating with excitement the little boy you are becoming, but dreading that the baby boy I so enjoy will soon be gone.
It's strange how these competing emotions can coexist in a mother's heart. It's like everyday I lose a little more of my baby, but every day I gain a little more of the boy you are becoming. I can imagine I'll say that at every juncture. Surely this struggle to cherish today but anticipate tomorrow is not new, but you, my little buddy, you make me look at everything with fresh eyes. In fact, I have a little not-so-secret to tell you...
Your momma has worried about what tomorrow will bring for as long as her memory goes back. She's missed out on a lot of todays thinking about tomorrows; that's for sure.
But you...seeing life through eyes that want only the best for you...it's changed me. It really makes me love today and cherish today. In fact, I almost have the opposite struggle now...wanting to hold on today because it's so good. That's what you do...you make today so darn good. If last year taught me how to live in the peaks and the valleys, this year most definitely taught me the joy of living in the meadow.
In the meadow of simple joys:
- Of learning to walk and running on your tippy toes everywhere you go
- Of saying goodbye to expensive formula, hemp milk, and hello to cow's milk
- Of laughing at every bodily function, but especially toots, burps, and sneezes
- Of thinking the most hilarious thing in the world is to stick your finger in your ear or your nose and wait for me to make you take it out
- Of going from absolute frustration to sheer mastery of Melissa and Doug puzzles
- Of saying Momma, Dada, bye-bye, ah-dee (?), peas (please), der (there), and mwa! after you give kisses
- Of the relieved cry-laugh you give when we go in your room if you've woken crying
- Of showing you the zoo, the beach, the pumpkin patch, and many more of our favorite places
- Of cartoons in the morning with you snuggled on my lap
- Of reading and singing and rocking
That is just a glimpse of the meadow we've lived in this year. Sure, there have been tantrums, teething,
unexplained sleepless nights, and other frustrations. But mostly...it's been a year of contentment.
If there is one word I would use to describe you this last year, it's
happy. You are so smiley and happy. Even other people describe you this way. You love to giggle. You love to tease. You are really just an easy going little guy.
Adoration doesn't even hit the nail on the head. It's something more, but it's the only word I can think of at the moment. You're my life's biggest question mark and exclamation point rolled all into one. Thanks for making me a momma two years ago, Pooka. I am overwhelmed by my love for you.
{First meeting}
{Now}
